My upbringing seemed idyllic: We were a happy family of 5 in a SF suburb, summertime BBQ parties, extended yearly vacations, and good neighbors. Life was full of adventure. My father was a well-regarded business owner, remarkably creative, and could build or fix almost anything. The dark twist that no one saw was that with Dad's creativity and high standards, I felt it was impossible for me to please him. Whether it was sweeping the floor, mowing the lawn, or painting the fence - I had the sense that I would never measure up.

It is those moments that determine our life's course - and we are rarely aware of it. I've come to call those turning points, "life defining moments" in my coaching process. The sense of never being able to measure up left me incredibly self-critical, and beneath my positive and outgoing nature, I was critical of others as well.

By my 20th birthday, I had my business degree with honors, was a nationally ranked water-skier, a private pilot, and an avid snow skier. My adventurous pursuits served me as I tried to live down the "I'll never measure up" message.

I brought this adventurous attitude into my pursuit of Gina and marriage. I discovered that optimism and positivity apart from a healthy dose of realism can lead to challenges; and challenges we had! We had no idea how difficult marriage would be. Each of us had packed away a number of negative life-defining moments, not realizing this baggage would join us in our marriage. One of the biggest struggles I faced was to ask for help. To ask for help confirmed the deep internal message of "I don't measure up", making me a failure in my own mind. My ego baulked at the idea of seeing a marriage counselor, and at first I was a reluctant participant. Over the years, Gina and I have benefitted immeasurably from the wisdom of good counselors and therapists. It took us far too long to learn the secrets of kindness and care. In my coaching process, this has come to be know as the Radical Kindness Method. This principal is crucial for the health and success of the clients I work with, as it is for my marriage. Today, I recognize that highly successful men are willing to ask for the help they need, and profit accordingly.